Aha! A Byronic hero – so that’s who I am!
- x -
Imagine a large ballroom – monstrous chandeliers, blinding light, women in their sequined best, tinkling glasses, music, dancing, celebration. The hollow laughter of the truly bored. Sometimes, in my head, I see myself in that room. Only, I’m trying to escape. Desperately. If only I could find someplace quiet. Where I could pause to gather my thoughts, kick off my heels and run away from the madness.
For some time now, there’s been this sense of loneliness that has been gnawing away at me: not that of a romantic kind, but simply of an intellectual kind. There is no one to speak to. With who you could simply be yourself, without being condescending, jaded, mean, mysterious or simply frivolous. Usually, this need for intellectual stimulation is fulfilled by my colleagues at work, which is why my time from Chutney continues to be among my most-cherished memories of work life. But I have come to be surrounded by people with lesser experience, who expect me to be the fount of all human wisdom, or by others who are plain indifferent. Actually, that’s not right. I do meet people who can talk and who do talk, and who are quite interesting in some ways. But they often lack the breadth of the true conversationalist: they are good to talk to about certain things, but you are doomed if you are the kind that likes to switch topics the way others would switch TV channels.
I suppose my state of being is best described by the following lines from Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged”:
“Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? For something, not to look down at, but up to?”
I know I have.
Leave a Comment
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
